In Lieu Of Wit

ediebrit:

IM FUCKING SCREAMING

ryanjamesyezak:

This Anna Kendrick Little Mermaid SNL sketch is impossible to find (NBC ran into some legal issues with Disney)… watch while you can!

narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

khaleesikun:

WHAT GUYS LOOK FOR IN GIRLS:

  • HAIRLESS
  • NATURAL
  • STUNNING EYES
  • SHORT
  • A LIL FREAKY WHEN UR ALONE
  • image

MATT LeBLANC: There’s only five people in the world who know exactly what being on Friends was like, other than me. There’s five of them. David, Matthew, Lisa, Courteney, and Jen. That’s it. Marta and David were close, but when they left the stage, no one knew what they did. We could never leave the stage, metaphorically speaking. Still can’t. Still on that stage. That will follow us around forever.
More important than anything else is the look on people’s faces when you cross paths with them in the street, or in the store, or in the grocery line. You can always tell that you were—maybe still are, maybe always will be—a part of their family. Movies have this thing where it’s an event. You get dressed up, you go to dinner, and you go to the movies. You’re outside of your element. But with television, people are watching you in bed, at their kitchen table eating. You’re in their house.
I did not want it to end.

MATT LeBLANC: There’s only five people in the world who know exactly what being on Friends was like, other than me. There’s five of them. David, Matthew, Lisa, Courteney, and Jen. That’s it. Marta and David were close, but when they left the stage, no one knew what they did. We could never leave the stage, metaphorically speaking. Still can’t. Still on that stage. That will follow us around forever.

More important than anything else is the look on people’s faces when you cross paths with them in the street, or in the store, or in the grocery line. You can always tell that you were—maybe still are, maybe always will be—a part of their family. Movies have this thing where it’s an event. You get dressed up, you go to dinner, and you go to the movies. You’re outside of your element. But with television, people are watching you in bed, at their kitchen table eating. You’re in their house.

I did not want it to end.

martinfreeman:

i’m at the point where watching tv shows i haven’t seen before qualifies as being productive

iamacat-meow:

cantpickbetweenfandoms:

nottonight-imonfire:

collide-with-my-heart:

tylerchokely:

IS THIS A JOKE

It’s like an infomercial

It’s like an infomercial

Do you ever feel like walking on a table but the surface is too smooth?

iamacat-meow:

cantpickbetweenfandoms:

nottonight-imonfire:

collide-with-my-heart:

tylerchokely:

IS THIS A JOKE

It’s like an infomercial

It’s like an infomercial

Do you ever feel like walking on a table but the surface is too smooth?

image

dajo42:

one time in an english class we were making notes about shakespeare’s life and the teacher was like “his father was a glove maker” and the guy next to me started laughing really hard so i looked over at him

his pen had stopped working before he could write “maker” so it just said “shakespeare’s father was a glove” and that was the funniest thing in the world to this guy for some reason

I remember my son once asked me, “Did you ever, like, kiss in high school?” And I told him this long drawn-out story of how shy I was, how I finally got a girlfriend but she broke up with me because I was too shy to try to kiss her, and then I had another girlfriend but still couldn’t figure out kissing. The technique was always a big obstacle in my head, like, How do you kiss? Where does your chin go? Forget about anything beyond kissing-first base was a total mystery to me. So I’m telling my son this long story, and he listens patiently until he finally realizes where I’m going with it, and he says, “Dad, no-did you like Kiss in high school? Kiss, the band!” And I was, “Oh yeah, Kiss…they were good.”
Steve Buscemi (via buzzedfeed)

danielkanhai:

i think my favorite, i don’t know what it is, architectural design choice? is the golden front door frame on nice apartment buildings. like you know it’s not real gold, but you also know it’s there because it looks like real gold. it’s just like, “yeah, uh, the people who live here? they’re rich….